Ladies and Gentlemen, tonight as I watched portions of the Red Sox game against the Blue Jays, I couldn't help but hear Jerry Remy talking about his status as lame-duck president of Red Sox Nation. Apparently, there is an election which will be held to fill that void. And what would an election be without a dissenting voice?

I say some concerned citizen of Red Sox Nation should nominate me. I can't nominate myself because that's just pathetic. But I could elevate the discourse in this election. I could be like Lyndon LaRouche, but sane. Or Ross Perot, but taller, bigger and with proportionately sized ears. I could bring a lot to the table, trust me. Hell, I've only horrifically insulted one of the New England states, Cambridge and Brookline in the last week.

The only drawback I see is that I'm not currently a citizen of Red Sox Nation, but I have some clever people working with me who can figure out a way for me to be a citizen of RSN without divulging my secret identity. I do think that with a concerted effort from a grass-roots movement, I could get on the ballot without being a citizen. After all, Red Sox Nation is more a brutal tyranny than a democracy.