Sunday, April 15, 2007

There really hasn't been a whole lot to smile about on my end, what with the Red Sox on a tear, it's depressing but true. They've won 5 of 6. I had expected that the Anaheim Angels would prove to be a more formidable opponent than they have to this point. For some reason, as good as he is, I just don't like Vladimir Guerrero. He keeps letting me down in big moments against the Red Sox. I am not a fan of the Angels manager. At a certain point (I'm referring to the infamous time he nearly fought Frank Robinson), you're not a tough guy, or a legit guy for that matter, when you try to throw down with a 70 year old man, even if he is a hall of famer and a member of the 500 HR club.

I was talking to my source for information on the Cubs today, and even though the team suffers from a chronic lack of clutch hitting, he gave me some info that brightened my day a bit. It wasn't baseball related, either. I was flipping through the channels when I talked to him, mostly because I couldn't get interested in the Detroit-Calgary game. He told me that ESPN2 was showing the NCAA Women's Team Bowling Championship. So I tuned in, and it was pretty damn funny.

First of all, I have some difficulty accepting the underlying premise of team bowling. Different players took turns bowling in the same game. Then they would change lanes and switch up the lineup. All the while, the rest of the members of the team stood around. As far as I could figure out, there were five bowlers from each team rolling in a given game while the rest of the squad stood around offering moral support and waiting for their turn to bowl. I suppose there's no reason I can't google the rules and give a better explanation, but I just don't care enough about the game to do it.

Far more interesting were the players themselves. They called to mind the line delivered by the legendary actor Sir John Gielgud in Arthur: "Normally, someone would have to go to a bowling alley to meet someone of your stature." At the risk of seeming shallow and sexist, there were not a lot of lookers competing in the bowling championships.

There was one girl on Vanderbilt who looked like her nose had been broken and inexpertly set. But that helped to take attention away from the fact that she had a double chin and man hips. Also, that bowler wrist guard does nothing to enhance the attractiveness of a lady bowler.

Maryland Eastern Shore's bowling team was not much better. There was one girl who looked like a slightly more masculine version of Chris Griffin from Family Guy. Another looked eerily like Corey Feldman's character from The Goonies. She happened to be the lone senior on the team. I could not tell whether that meant that she was a four year player or she'd have to leave early if the match went into overtime so she could get to the early bird special at the local Sizzler.

Even the girls with pretty faces were a little thick through the middle. And I don't mean they were fat, just that they had child bearing hips, even if it came time to deliver a child the size of a full grown walrus. In an amazing coincidence, at least one of the ladies on the Maryland Eastern Shore bowling squad hailed from the town of Brick, New Jersey. Any joke I could make on that community and her appearance would be far too cruel even for me.

I know I'm verging on Don Imus territory with my insensitivity, but to tell the truth, I don't much care. After all, what could anyone possibly do to me? Get me fired from blogging for free? Pull my sponsors when I don't have any ads on the site? Write scathing comments? Vote with their feet and stop reading me? I must say I'm not too worried about it, I have a very small audience now.

In other matters, mark down this date: May 4, 2007. It's the day the new Eric Bana Drew Barrymore vehicle premiers. It's called Lucky You, and he plays a professional poker player and she plays what appeared from the trailer to be some sort of singer. If ever there were a film for which a public desperately yearning for cinematic substance cried out in the metaphorical darkness, it was this.

Alas, for Eric Bana, Black Hawk Down is further away with each passing day. And with every role like this and every time he accepts a part in a half-assed movie like this one, it's getting further and further away.

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