Tuesday, October 03, 2006

The first day of the Divisional Round is now behind us. And it was a good day. Of course any day that teams are playing playoff baseball, and the Red Sox aren't one of them, is a good day in my world. Not quite good enough that it gets me referring to myself in the third person, but close.

I'm not sure who I want to win at this point. Obviously, it will depress the Red Sox organization and their fans if the Yankees win. That should make me happy because I am a sad, small person in many ways. But I admit that about myself, which makes me a better person. So it all evens out in the end.

I do know one thing. I don't want any of the National League teams to win. I hate the Cardinals. For several reasons. First, they lost the 2004 World Series to the hated Red Sox in depressingly short order. Secondly, they are owned by Anheuser Busch, and I am a High Life drinker (although in the interest of honesty, I must confess that I will drink Bud Light if I'm not buying it and I do like Bud Select). I think my anti-Bud stance can, in small part, be traced to the movie Rooster Cogburn and the Lady (the not entirely disappointing sequel to one of my all time favorites, True Grit), and the sentiment that Rooster Cogburn and his alcoholic cat did not like St. Louis beer.

I don't really care about the Padres, even though they have former Red Sox like Todd Walker, Mark Belhorn and Josh Bard (even though he was on the Sox for about 3 weeks). I have to root against the Dodgers and Grady Little. I don't know what would have to happen for me to root for a team with Nomar on it. I still hate him just as much now as I did when he played for the Sox. I hate the Mets too.

In the AL, I wouldn't mind seeing either the Yankees or the Tigers emerge. I hate the Twins (and all Minnesota teams) because I hate the Vikings. I guess it's like a transitive property of petty hatred. Unless of course my math analogy is incorrect, then it's some other property of hatred, still petty, though. I also hate the As. I think there ought to be a moratorium on declaring a baseball GM a genius until he's won a World Series. In the end of the day in the harsh world of professional sports, the runner up is just the king of the losers. Only this and nothing more. So I guess the guy who can't get out of the first round is like the jack of the losers.

So I guess those of us who wish minor misfortune on Red Sox Nation must back the Yankees. After all, the new commercial for playoff baseball with Tommy Lasorda coaxing a reluctant Red Sox fan from her room to root against the Yankees should provide ample motivation. I imagine it it could be worse. At least it's one more spot where a network isn't showing the "Go, boy, go" Dockers ad and Peyton Manning isn't in it. I guess I should be more grateful for small favors.
PS - To those few of you who read this, I offer the following disclaimer. If you're under 21 and you decide to drink because of this post, it's not my fault. You're a moron. If you're under 21, 21 or over 21 and you undertake to get a cat drunk because of this post, it's also not my fault. You're an even bigger moron. At some point, you have to be responsible for your own decisions.

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