Sunday, December 23, 2007

I know I really ought to post more frequently, but I'm feeling very depressed. The damn Patriots keep winning. I was eliminated from the loser's bracket in my FFL playoffs by a cat who looks like the stunt double for BlackAdder. Plus, I really hate the holidays.

So many things about Christmas really bother me. First, there's the dreadful weather that we've been having lately. One day, I might understand why 88% of New Englanders can't drive in the snow. For the love of God, we live in a region that's almost assured of two to three storms of over ten inches in the course of a given winter, even in spite of Al Gore and his global warming.

Then there's shopping. I hate going to stores. I hate picking things out for people, especially when I'm not entirely sure what they like. I mean, it can't be my fault that I am self-involved and cheap, right? Above all, though, I hate shopping because it always involves two of my least favorite things - waiting in line and dealing with people.

But what really bothers me most at this time of year might seem like a small thing. I have no truck with atheists who celebrate Christmas. That drives me right up the wall. What kind of person celebrates the birth of somebody else's Messiah? It's bad enough that Christians participate in the materialistic sham that really hasn't honored Christ the way He ought to be honored since Charles Dickens was roaming the Earth writing on repentant misanthropic misers. But to have people who don't believe in Jesus celebrating His birthday (even though we don't really know exactly what date he was born) is just one more of the things that make this time of year fall short of expectations.

But this isn't a blog about general societal decay. Or at least it's not supposed to be. Another reason for my extended silence (this time) is that I've been terrified into silence by a group of Seattle Seahawks fans who stumbled across my evaluation of Matt Hasselbeck and didn't find it to their taste. I must admit that I didn't harbor great expectations with regard to the intelligence of Seahawks fandom. But somehow they managed to fall short of those low standards.

I particularly enjoyed the comments accusing me of being just another Patriots fan. Even leaving aside for a moment my long track record of anti-Pats posts, the particular item in question that stirred up this tempest in a tea cup started off with words to the effect that sometimes I wished I were ignorant enough to be a Pats fan. Then again, if Seattle folk were bright enough to pick up on irony and sarcasm, then they probably wouldn't live in Seattle and rip off traditions from middle of the road colleges like Texas A&M.

I guess this means that the city of Seattle and perhaps even the state of Washington are now closed to me. So you have to forgive me for grieving in silence for so long. My sources inform me that the state of Washington is full of a horrid mixture of hippie tools in Birkenstock and backwoods survivalist libertarians. With a grouping like that, I wouldn't be surprised to find out that I'd need a passport to get there from Logan. At least they can get angry with me to distract them after the Hawks exit the playoffs in the wildcard round.

I thought that the Pats were very lucky that Cleo Lemon apparently gets a bonus for each sack he takes. He must, what with the way he refused to consider throwing the ball away at any point in the course of the game. With the defense forcing four Patriot turnovers, there were plays that a remotely competent QB could have made. It might not have been anywhere near enough to win the game, but perhaps Miami could have challenged the Pats a bit more than they did.

I thought the game of the week was the Minnesota-Washington matchup tonight. For the last few weeks, I've been force fed a line of nonsense about the Vikings being a scary team come playoff time. Perhaps if they had fared better against Green Bay and Dallas earlier this year I might have been more likely to swallow it. There's no way I'm buying that after the Redskins dismantled them.

With Adrian Peterson, the Vikings do have the makings of an explosive running game. I know that seems a strange way of expressing that idea, what with the fact that he's only a rookie and he broke the single game rushing yardage record against a Bears defense that hasn't completely eroded yet. But he wasn't terribly effective before he was hurt against the Packers a few weeks ago, and the Redskins did a decent job against him tonight.

And it's true that Minnesota can stop the run, at least according to the stats. Only three teams have rushed for over 100 yards in a game against Minnesota this season - Green Bay, Dallas and now Washington. Unfortunately for the Vikings, that list consists of at least 1/3 of playoff bound teams in their conference and maybe 1/2 of them (if Washington can beat Dallas next week).

This loss is particularly bad for the Vikings because unlike Dallas or Green Bay, Washington isn't particularly good. While Romo and Favre are without question light years ahead of their "peers" in the conference, the Redskins started a guy who is 36 years old and ten years removed from his last NFL start. The Redskins can do a lot of things on the football field, unfortunately they don't really do any one thing tremendously well.

So now Minnesota is fading away in the playoff race. They aren't out of it, but they do need Dallas to beat Washington on the road. And unless Wade Phillips is dumber than a bag of hammers, Romo won't play a lot (if he plays at all) and Owens should be out. That leaves the immortal Brad Johnson starting in his old stomping grounds. Seems like a safe bet that Washington will be the final playoff team this season, doesn't it?

Since the title of this blog would indicate that it should be baseball themed, I have a baseball story to pass on to you. I imagine you must have seen it by now, but I feel I ought to complain anyway. Sam Zell, billionaire and the second biggest moron to own a professional team (behind the Benefactor), intends to divest himself of the Tribune Company's crown jewel (the Cubs). Along the way, Mr. Zell is considering selling the naming rights to Wrigley Field.

Can you believe that? Wrigley Field ought to be sacrosanct, but not in any kind of blasphemous sense. I am always running down the current owners of the Boston Red Sox for finding new ways to exploit the ignorance and gullibility of their fan base as they extort Red Sox Nation. But to their credit (even though I feel bile rising into my mouth as I write this), at least they haven't pimped out the naming rights to Fenway Park. What a world.

For those of you who braved my insulting rhetoric about atheists (and agnostics, I suppose) and the Seattle Seahawks, I would like to wish all of you a Merry Christmas, even though I probably won't have one myself. I may post tomorrow, if anything grabs my attention. But if I don't, you have my holiday wishes. And a warning. Don't be stupid, don't drink and drive. And I'd like to wish all of the American military personnel and our nation's veterans a Merry Christmas, and God willing a safe one too.

No comments: