Monday, September 10, 2007

It seems my panic about my fantasy team was all just a big waste of time. Thanks to a great second half from Tony Romo and TO, me team came back from the dead. It is still possible that I could lose, but it would require an earth-shattering performance from Anquan Boldin to bring my opponent back into striking distance. It almost makes me feel guilty for calling him Mr. Bean's stunt double in last night's post.

Today was a pretty good sports day, all things considered. My fantasy team is winning going away, so I don't have to eat all the trash I talked in the week leading up to the game. And things shook out as they should have in the New England sports scene. The Red Sox lost and the Patriots were caught cheating. Maybe not a perfect day, but I'll take it.

Scott Kazmir once again emasculated the mighty Red Sox lineup, employing his vast array of spit, shine and various and sundry other illegal balls to prevail in a 1-0 decision. You know he had to have cheated because the Red Sox hitters can't be thwarted so completely without some sort of chicanery being utilized against them. Unfortunately, this outcome cannot stand. Surely MLB will review the sublime performance of Curt Schilling and award him the victory to prevent him from suffering any indignity.

I must keep this brief tonight, as I am stunned into silence to see that the New England Patriots have been accused of stealing signals from their arch-rivals the New York Jets. I will not sit here and listen to any hint that a team coached by Bill Belichick could stoop to an underhanded, laughable psyche out ploy like this. Next thing you know, you'll be telling me that Belichick was the sort of guy who might be labelled a home wrecker in a nasty divorce case. Or that the team owner would be deprived of one of his world championship rings by a ruthless despot.

In other news, in a shameful ploy to exploit their new connection to Japan, the Red Sox will open the 2008 season in Japan, playing against the perennial underachievers from Oakland. The good news is that this will provide Red Sox fans with a convenient excuse when this team stumbles out of the gate next season. I should, perhaps, be a little bit more circumspect on this matter, since I have been assured that JD Drew will be a bargain next season. Maybe this trip to Japan is just a front to help him find his mojo.

For some reason, I have developed a knack for spotting tools in the crowd shots as I watch football games. Tonight's top tools include a guy in the Bengals stadium sporting a storm trooper costume from Star Wars painted orange with black stripes. If I had a picture to caption and a penchant for pathetic plays on words, I would caption said picture: "Attack of the Clowns." And then there was the guy in San Francisco who elected to rock a beanie with a propeller and a team logo beach towel or blanket as a cape. If that weren't enough, he meandered through the crowd playing a banjo. The ensemble is so pathetic it defies my ability to come up with an insult.

As I spoke about this with a friend this evening, the question came up as to whether one or the other could compete in a tool-off with the South Florida fan who wore a singlet to the Auburn game. I would give the edge to the guy in the singlet, since a man should never wear any skin tight garment in public. That is a woman's prerogative, provided that she's attractive.

I'm not sure if I should give you this link, but it's pretty damn funny. I would recommend that you exercise caution before you click it, as it is a bit loud and might be construed as offensive. I don't want to hear any complaining if you get your dumb ass fired opening this in an office or place of business. But it is a few laughs, so check the video out when you get a chance. And if you get offended, well, I tried to warn you.

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