Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Ladies and gentlemen, due to the Boston Red Sox legacy of greed throughout the globe...

they are about to be taught a lesson in the real use of power.

If you are perceptive enough to notice that what is written above is a reference to the classic film Die Hard, feel free to read on at your own risk. If, however, you are dim enough to think that I missed the human interest piece on the organization and it's billboard on this morning's SportsCenter or refuse to acknowledge the noble work the organization has done on behalf of the Jimmy Fund, please do not read this or write me angry emails. For their charity work, I salute the Red Sox. For numerous other reasons which may or may not become clear over time, I hate them and wish them nothing but failure and a host of minor inconveniences like toenail fungus (I imagine that's some nasty stuff).

I had the good fortune of being born in Boston. Outside of the traffic and my fellow Bostonians obsession with the local nine, it is an excellent place to live. For a variety of reasons, I root for none of the local teams. I didn't like the Patriots as a child, and unlike so many that now flock to their games and purchase their merchandise, I had the good manners not to jump on the bandwagon. The Bruins are the Bruins. For a long time I was a Celtics fan, and then Danny Ainge came back to town. Much more will be devoted to the magnitude of his failure, but that must be left aside for now.

As for who I am, where I am, what I am, how I am and when I am, I have no more to say. In spite of the name I have chosen for myself, I am not currently in Cincinnati, nor have I ever been to that city. I am not a Reds fan, a Bengals fan or a Bearcats fan. I do not, nor have I ever, attended the University of Cincinnati. For those who don't know, The Cincinnati Kid is a movie starring Steve McQueen. It is the best poker movie of all time. I chose the name because Red Sox Nation isn't ready for me.

Join us next time, as we ponder the great questions like will this be the year Josh Becket throws more than 180 innings, will the Red Sox manage to form two serviceable corner infielders from the spare parts that are Youklis, Lowell, Snow and possibly Choi, which of the Red Sox will draw the Curly Haired Boyfriend's ire when said scribe runs out of material come May 1, will Bronson Arroyo hit more home runs that Wily Mo Pena and can Jason Varitek read. If there is time, we might even get to see whether my grammar and spelling ever meet acceptable standards. I doubt it, but who knows? As for my usage and syntax, who cares? Also, in the next few days we may see the first in a series of great moments in Red Sox history (from the perspective of someone who hates the team, of course).

Good night, and go Blue Jays.

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